Do you mind if I borrow this chair?

Yes, I mind. Sorry.

I'm expecting someone.

Would you like another tea? Yes. Thank you.

This is a coincidence.

Would you mind if I sat down?

Yes, I would, actually.

I'm expecting someone.

Pride and Prejudice.

Do you mind?

I bet you read that book every year.

I bet you just love that Mr. Darcy.

Your sentimental heart beats wildly at the thought he and whatever her name is are truly, honestly going to end up together.

Can I get you something?

No,he's not staying.

Mochaccino decaf, nonfat.

You are not staying! I'll stay until your friend gets here.

Is he late?

The heroine of Pride and Prejudiceis Elizabeth Bennet.

She is a great and complex character.

Not that you would know.

As a matter of fact, I've read it.

Good for you. You'd discover a lot if you really knew me.

If I really knew you, I know what I'd find.

Instead of a brain, a cash register.

Instead of a heart, a bottom line.

What? I just had a breakthrough.

What is it?

For the first time, when confronted with a horrible person I knew what I wanted to say,and I said it.

You have a gift for it.

That's aperfect blend of poetry and meanness.

Let me tell you about meanness.

Don't misunderstand.

I'm paying you a compliment.

What are you doing?

Is this a red rose?

No, it's a crimson rose.

Something you read in a book.

It's funny to you, isn't it?

Everything is a joke to you.

Please leave. Please leave, I beg you.

Thank you.

That hanky reminds me of the first day I met you.

First day you lied to me.

-I didn't lie.

-You did too.

-No, I didn't.

-Yes, you did.

You did too.

I thought that Fox stuff was so charming.

F-O-X. I didn't lie about it.

Just call me Joe. Sure.

As if you were a stupid 22-year-old girl with no last name.

Hi, I'm Kimberly.

"Hi, I'm Janice."

It's like they're an entire generation of cocktail waitresses.

Look. -I am not a cocktail waitress.-

That's not what I meant.

What I said about Price Club,that's not what I meant.

You poor, sad multimillionaire.

I feel so sorry for you.

I'll take a wild guess that's not him, either.

So who is he, I wonder?

Certainly notthe world's greatest expert on Julius and Ethel Rosenberg. But somebody else entirely different.

Will you be mean to him too? No, I will not.

The man who is coming here is completely unlike you.

The man who is coming here is kind and funny.

He's got a wonderful sense of humor.

But he's not here.

If he's not, he has a reason because there is not a cruelor careless bone in his body.

I wouldn't expect you to understand.

You, with your theme park, homogenize-the-world mochaccinoland.

You think you're a benefactor bringing books to the masses.

But no one will ever remember you.

And maybe no one will remember me.

But plenty of people remember my mother.

They think she was fine.

They think her store was something special.

You are nothing but a suit.

That's my cue.

Good night.